Thursday, 19 February 2009

Conspiracy theory #6723b

It has finally dawned on me; the camera companies are in league with the memory manufacturers. I can find no other plausible explanation for the utterly pointless number of pixels that are crammed onto the tiny sensors in every common or garden digital camera other than to fill up terabytes of expensive storage with meaningless information.
No doubt these pointless pixels are painted on the camera sensors by small children in sweatshops in Uzbekistan, working long into their night, ten to a candle, they will be 'retired' at the age of five, their eyesight forever ruined.
I will resist my nerdy urges and not patronise by explaining why more pixels does not equal greater image quality and move on swiftly to boast that I can now comfortably furnish a billboard with the badly composed overexposed shot I took of the neighbour washing his car the other day. The tiny fraction of the non work photos that I will actually ever commit to print will only ever be enlarged to 6" x 4" the remaining information destined to languish pointlessly amongst my growing family of external hard drives. To prove that I too am sucking hard at the corporate nipple I printed a landscape I took on a family walk to gargantuan proportions and then took up a magnifying glass out to coo over every conceptually flaccid leaf, blade and twig. The image was inoffensively pictorial in the very worst sense, devoid of punctum and was truly a magnet for almost all the lowest common photographic denominators.
I was relieved to read that Samsung have come up with a gizmo that recognises what you are ineptly pointing your camera at and automatically chooses which shooting mode to work in, so for those who are not sure if they are taking a landscape or a portrait your path to photographic competency is now ensured. I personally look forward to the time when my camera will sense when I might feel like taking a photograph then cheerily leave the house on little legs to travel the world on my behalf taking lots and lots of pictures of things I might like and people I could have befriended; then photography will have become the truly democratic medium it has always promised to be; no winners, no losers just an endless sea of data. Maybe at this point we will all sit up and consider that image making may have something to do with the expression of ideas rather than being a showcase for vacuous athleticism and mechanical prowess. Clicking without thinking is perhaps akin to masturbation and can surely not result in the birth of meaningful images.

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